So I have been going through some very trying times as of late, and it has had a pretty heavy effect on me. These recent happenings have made me angry, disappointed, slightly depressed, caused a loss of respect, loss of role models, a lack of motivation, the opportunity for the Enemy to enter and control many parts of my life, and many more emotions that still I don’t really know how to describe. When I was dealing with some of these issues, I felt myself making some poor decisions with my life. I started to pull away from my relationship with Jesus, and do things on my own. The betrayal I felt transferred over to my faith, and I stopped caring. That’s a pretty general statement, that I stopped caring, but other than soccer, and just a few other things, I didn’t feel any obligation or need to follow through with my commitments or be the man I knew I am supposed to be. The Enemy had control of my mind and thoughts, and empowered me to thinking that I didn’t need God and that I was better off on my own, doing things my own way.
I have come to discover that whenever I have a ‘spiritual high’, whether from a good sermon, a church camp, or a challenge from a good friend or mentor, the Enemy seems to counter with a surge of temptations and lies about my creator that make me question my faith, or worse, become complacent and unconcerned. Throughout my life, I have felt the push and pull for my faith and allegiances, which cause the feel almost like a roller coaster. There are highs, lows, climbs, drops, and plateaus, but they have become much more dramatic, especially the last couple years. I am currently coming off a very low low, probably the lowest I have ever experienced, and I need to make sure that this climb has a good foundation and framework. I am working to surround myself with better, more positive people, and working to become more transparent, because lies covering up lies covering up my embarrassment and mistakes were a big part of my life recently.
I revisited a book that I looked to at the beginning of the year, which had written exactly what I needed to hear. Big surprise that I only made it through about 25 pages, it was exactly what I needed to hear, but the last thing I wanted. The right answer or good counsel always seems to be the last thing you want to hear when you dig yourself into a hole, especially when you realize how much you need it. I opened up the book and re-read a passage that really stuck out to me, and I want to share it. It’s a book called “Is God to Blame? Beyond pat answers to the problem of suffering”. It was introduced to me by a great man named Eric Robbins, the lead pastor at Journey Church in downtown Kirkland. It talks about how to deal with you suffering, and God’s role in our lives during our trials. So far of what I have read, it all comes down to our image of God, and where we put our trust, in ourselves, or in our Creator and Father. With that, here are the passages (I split them up into 2, and removed a small section that would not flow as part of an excerpt) that symbolize the beginning of my climb out of the pit where I have placed myself. Read it a couple of times through, it’s pretty intense.
Oh, and one last thing before you read. These passages is predicated on the work of the serpent in the Garden of Eden. The serpent persuaded Eve that God’s prohibition of the tree of knowledge of good and evil was actually a weakness, where he didn’t want competition from his creation if Eve was to eat the forbidden fruit. This lie compromised Eve’s perfect vision of God, and created an emptiness that only God can fill, yet she decides to try to fill it on her own, thinking that she can do better. This idea is covered in the passages. Ok, now have at it!
“Unlike God, our knowledge and wisdom are finite. We simply are not equipped to make accurate and loving judgments about good and evil. To us, even in an unfallen condition, the complex world is mostly ambiguous. Our experience and perceptions of reality are incredibly narrow. Aside from God’s revelation of himself, we are incapable of drawing definitive conclusions about most things, especially the state of people’s hearts. But we can (1) trust what God tells us about himself, (2) experience fullness of love and life as we commune with God, (3) walk in humble obedience to him, and (4) exercise the authority he’s given to us.
When we go beyond this boundary and try to know what God alone can know, when we try to be “wise” like God, it destroys us. In trying to seize what properly belongs only to God, we lose what properly belongs to us. We forfeit our God-given authority on earth, giving it to Satan (see Lk 4:5-7). Instead of being ruled by divine love, we become oppressed by diabolical power. The “accuser” (Rev 12:10) turns us into accusers rather than lovers.”
“A faulty picture of God led to an ungodly evaluation that in turn brought about a rebellious action. The lie about God created the illusion that Eve could fill her emptiness by disobeying God. The lie created an emptiness as well as the futile and rebellious means of filling it. A false concept of God, and therefore of herself, gave birth to sinful behavior, which in turn brought about spiritual and physical death (see Jas 1:14-16).
This is not merely an account of what happened a long time ago. Its our own story. Under the bondage of the serpent’s lie, we try to achieve through our own efforts what God wants to freely give us. We have a God-shaped vacuum in our hearts that only God can fill. But we try to fill that vacuum through our illegitimately seized knowledge of good and evil. Instead of innocently trusting God to meet our innermost needs, we trust our own assessment of things and our own ability to get the things we deem “good”. We live by our knowledge of good and evil rather than by trusting our loving God.
The “good” we pursue may be respect, security, religion, ethical superiority, the rightness of our opinions, pleasure and so on. And the “evil” we avoid is anything that challenges the “goods” that have become out source of life. We end up desperately trying to attain a full life from a center of emptiness rather than from the center of abundance, which comes freely from our loving God.”
Ok, now read the passages again, then comment. I want to hear your thoughts and insight! What is your image of God?
